Forgiving – Self

In my last post, we discussed forgiveness and how important it is for us to forgive others. In this post, we will discuss forgiving ourselves.

When I was in the throws of depression I was in a room (in my head) with no doors and no windows. I knew that it was important for me to forgive. What I didn’t know was how to get out of the room with no doors and no windows long enough to work on forgiveness.

For now, let’s talk about what depression is to someone who is depressed.

A woman who herself suffered from depression wrote a list of feelings to describe what depression is to her. These sentiments written by her might sound familiar. I was surprised that I have experienced many of them myself. You probably have experienced some of these same feelings yourself.

Keep in mind, as you read the following that these are not permanent feelings that are cast in stone. Every one of them is conquerable and we will discuss how to do just that as we continue this journey through depression and into happiness.

Depression: It’s waking up each day and feeling a wave of dread, wishing you weren’t here. So you just lie there while your mind tells you how useless you are and how pointless everything is.

It’s feeling guilty because you lack the strength to do even the simplest tasks, such as showering.

It’s looking at your messy, dirty house, thinking about how much you need to clean and tidy — but you freeze because how can you look after a house when you can’t even muster the strength to get off the couch?

It’s looking in the mirror and hating what you see.

It’s feeling like a nuisance every time you reach out for help.

It’s a battle with your mind about the little things every day — things “normal,” functioning people have no issues with.

It’s like being stuck in this deep, dark hole and no matter how loud you scream, no one is listening.

It’s avoiding every social event or communication with people because you feel like everyone is better off without you or that your input is unimportant.

It’s knowing all your fears and feelings are completely silly and irrational but you still feel them so strongly and wish you could just turn it off.

It’s also a teacher: the cruelest and soul-suckingest teacher you could ever have. You’re being forced to learn about yourself and what it is that brought you here.

It is being exhausted every single day but trying to muster the courage to stay here despite what your mind tells you.

It’s trying to explain to people how much harder life is, even though they don’t understand and you “know” you’re being judged.

It’s feeling lost and stuck and alone.

Do you see the problem for someone in depression?

Still, there is another problem, beyond overcoming the depression, that has to be addressed before progress can be made. Depression is an addiction and that addiction has to be conquered first. The will to overcome that addiction must come from within. Then progress can be made The impetus to overcome my addiction came from the gun pointed at my head and the voice telling me that if I wanted to be happy, I had to choose to be happy

Let’s discuss my three rules of conduct. These rules are simplified guides for people who are already overwhelmed by life.

Rule 1: you are the commander of your life. I was in a state where I could not walk out of the door except to go to work, and I could not answer the phone. One day, I just opened the door, went to the store, and bought something I needed. Then I knew I could open the door and I could get out, and I did it again and again. It was the same with the phone. I knew I had to be able to answer the phone, so one day, I just picked up the phone and said “Hello,” and like magic, I knew that I could answer the phone, so I continued doing so.

Rul;e 2. Find something beautiful in every day and contemplate it. Healing is accomplished by being present in the moment; Depression is a condition of the past. You have to move out of the past to overcome it. For example, if you are walking, feel what it is like to walk with your whole body.  If you are washing dishes, examine what it feels like to wash dishes. Be present with your mind and your body in everything you do.

Rule 3, Give something back, Giving to others gives you a euphoric feeling. You will begin to feel joyful, and what you give doesn’t have to be some giant demonstrative act; It can be something simple. For example, when a server at a restaurant gives you excellent service, tell him/her you think they are awesome and that you want to tell their manager how awesome you think that person is and then talk to the manager. Try it and see how it makes you feel. Try smiling at everyone you see (see index Masaru Emoto). These simple things will actually make a physiological change in your body for good, and it does the same thing for the server that you give this kind act to.

These are some simple things you can do to break out from the chains of depression. In future posts, we will discuss more in-depth techniques.

Apply the techniques described here, and you will find that forgiving yourself is no longer such a daunting task.